It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
