If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
