Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
