is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
