I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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