We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Green mimosas i think yes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
