Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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