I haven't been this sober since birth.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
