i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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