I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
