so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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