i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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