I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
