Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
