i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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