I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
