i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
