apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the day after is always just damage control
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
