I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
