I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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