Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
