i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
