he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
