I don't think brook has ever known best
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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