I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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