38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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