That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
