Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
