You really coming over, don't trick.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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