She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
