When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
