i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
