That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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