This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
