Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
