shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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