Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Farmville is her only friend.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
