I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
