he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hippo gnu deer
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
