I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
