And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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