I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
