You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
