She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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