I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
