The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
