You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
