I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
