I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
