So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
