i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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