Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
