Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
