Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
